My point of view on the 'Delhi Gang rape' case

I am happy that the media with the support of the public have cashed in on reaching the saturation point of rape intolerance with the much hyped 'Delhi gang rape' case. This is definitely a turning point in our nation as we have 'finally' woken up to accept the horror amidst which we had adapted a way of life - akin to the 'see no evil' monkey. A lot of good things have come out highlighting the lack of police security, governance, non-availability of police personnel - 60% of whom are deputed as VIP security, politicians coming under the scanner etc. It is also good to see the Supreme court asking courts to complete rape cases in 2 months and to not adjourn without valid reasons.

But when all this led to a branding suggestion - naming the law after the victim, I feel things are not aligned and we are digressing from the real issues. What worries me is the delay in waking up of the Delhi public in rising up to this occasion until their own lives were finally under looming threat and that there is a possibility that they could be next. This rape is nothing compared to so many brutal murders happening in the country. Dalit women raped and paraded naked as a punishment or as a solution to a problem, khaps ordering execution of couples who have married outside their caste, caste intolerant family members killing their own daughters in the name of 'honour killings', the list is never ending.

Are we ever going to attack the root of this 'problem'? Is the demand for 'changing the mindset' of men practical and sustainable? I get irritated when I often come across slogans like 'Dont ask your daughters not to stay out late, teach your boys to behave'. I ask the parents, brothers and husbands if they would rather believe in a 'code of law' or 'law of nature'. If it has to be 'taught' then it is something unnatural, isnt it? Yes, we are 'supposed' to be civilized, but isn't there an animal in every one of us. Is a 'code of law' going to deter a natural sexual urge?

This is the root of the problem and this is where the 'mindset change' has to begin. Is it not time we spoke about the 'elephant in the room' - 'sexual frustration'? We aspire to ape the west - in our thoughts, actions, behavior, awareness - then why don't we also have a solution for sexual gratification through legal brothels and at least strip clubs or Gentlemen's clubs? Isn't it high time we have sex-education in schools where we can learn about and to respect the opposite gender better?

Aren't we all aware of the declining and low sex ratio in our country? Don't we know how difficult it is for a to-be-groom's parents to find a suitable girl for an arranged marriage? Many parents from the cities go back to the villages to find a suitable girl for their sons. The parents of the girls in the cities look for alliances from guys who are working and settled abroad. Given this scenario, where there is an acute shortage of women for men to get married - would a law and awareness campaign preside over a natural need? If there is a genuine shortage of women even for decently earning professionals then where will the less fortunate and poor people go?? Shouldn't female foeticide and infanticide be the hot issue to be tackled?

I appeal to the women - please be alert, cover up when you have to, hang out with people you know, travel safe, keep your loved ones informed about your wherabouts - because even one single unpleasant sexual assault is not worth the hassle.
I wonder why I have not come across this kind of perspective anywhere in the media. If what I have expressed is absurd, I am open to feedback and criticism.

-A common man (educated, civilized, husband, brother and son)

'Right Now'

Why do we look deeply inward into things that need emotional thinking only when we are hit badly or when we are in sorrow? We never stop or pause to gauge where we are during the normal routine course of life. There is a lack of an interim reality check and lack of realization. We all know that we will realize the value of what we have only when we lose it. But, do we consciously rejoice it when we have it?

Let’s take a step further right now and think what would happen if something went wrong from our current course of normal routine life. Right now we want the latest mobile gadget, new clothes, dinner at fancy restaurants, party life, new car, foreign holiday, spa treats, catch the latest movie, a better job, more money, sexier body, jewellery, accessories and what not? The list is never ending.

When I look around me (friends, relatives, colleagues) I see people living with so many problems-
having a family member battling cancer, close friends suffering painful break-ups, loss of job for a long period of time, extra-marital affairs ruining a marriage, death of a close one in a vehicle accident or natural cause or even worse- suicide, living with a disease, permanent disability, divorce, cancelled engagement, house owner problems, mother-in-law problems, victim of physical abuse, victim of substance abuse, bachelors not getting suitable alliance for marriage, couples not able to conceive, troubled parenthood, still born babies, raising a special child, your friend and your ex hooking up, parents opposing love marriage, house burgled, a court-case pending...

I am not talking about issues such as poverty or starvation. I am only talking about things that are very much part of our day-to-day issues faced by normal people in our social circle. While some of these may be temporary, perennial, part n parcel of life, common problems or cyclical, it ultimately deprives you from having any peace of mind. What wouldn’t anyone in any of these situations not give to get things undone or to get peace of mind? No materialistic pleasure would provide any solace at all. Many of us are, I believe, sailing in the same boat as I am and probably have people in their lives with whom they can associate the above situations with and would also probably be able to empathize with a few of them!

I don’t know what’s in store for me in future, but right now, the Blackberry, the Ninja, the quest for a five-day-work-week all can wait while I sit back for a moment and relish what I already have in life. I don’t have much, but it is more than what many yearn for, right?

My ‘Bachelor Party’

Normally, in the rest of the world the friends of the guy who is going to get married throw a bachelor party. But here, the tradition had all along been such that it is the guy who is going to get married, who throws a party to his friends before he gets married. Until....
There was a mail in the groups from Badri confirming his participation for my bachelor’s party. I was wondering whats going on, as I was clueless. Then, one by one people started enquiring me on google chat casually, when am planning to get married. Jishnu ‘accidentally’ told me that we shall be meeting in the party next weekend. Anyways, I came to know it was a goof up and did not want to probe into further details.
Then, sometime last week, my fiancé (upgraded from girlfriend status) told me to keep myself free the coming 14th Nov, Saturday evening as she would make plans to go out. Also, my B-school buddy, Vishal was coming to Chennai with his wife for the weekend and we planned to meet up on Saturday evening. I told this plan to her. Next day, there was a mail from Vishal saying that his friend is throwing a party in a beach house in ECR, where I should come and meet him and stay over too. The moment I read this, I started laughing. And in a flash I guessed the chain of communication from me to him, through my fiancé, Ajith, DJ/Cha and finally to Vishal.
Ajith had wanted it to be a surprise party and was planning things to detail, but was let down by a few people. I called him up and told him there is no further need to plan a surprise and that we shall go together after work on Saturday. I started from office on Saturday evening and met Vishal who had come to Chennai. Then left my bike at Kaushik’s place and went to the beach-house with Ajith in his car. The place was just before the ECR toll plaza. A nice place with a swimming pool and semi furnished beach-house. Few people were already there and others joined us soon.
A lot of effort had gone in to arrange the party apart from inviting people; Locating and finalizing the place, arranging the caterers for dinner, side-dish, booze (bought over a period of time from army canteen, courtesy Dominic), mixing etc. The highlight was the swimming pool, in the rain and with booze! I got thulped by a mob in the pool, someone got stripped, David almost lost his gold ring and chain. (Incidentally, it was exactly one year back- 15th Nov 2008, also a rainy night, that we celebrated David’s bachelor party in Mahabs and I was on the phone with…). We partied through the night and had a good dinner- a small buffet had been arranged. Few people (including me) tried to catch some sleep, but we were rudely woken up by the party animals to join them and we again continued the drinking. We started leaving for home in small groups by about 4:30 am, while a few slept off at the beach house and left later.
Anyways, it was a great party and I appreciate all the efforts taken by Ajith, Dom, Prabhu, Mak, Kaushik and everyone else for coming.
Also, if any of you wonder why this blog has been used as a means to communicate that am getting married, please realize that you are not the only one wondering so..
The attendees- Ajith, Kaushik, Dominic, Lakshmi, Bala, Kama, Reju, Dosai, Chidambaram, Vinod, Prashanth, Hari, Rajashekar, Varun, Bra, Katz, Brijesh, Dodo, Prabhu, Maheshwar, DJ, Doc/Uncle, Srinath, Rajesh, Bobby, David, Niranjan, Mak, Venki, Ravikiran, Goa Raj, Nirmal, Jeep Raj, Gokul.. (anyone else? ping me offline, I’ll update..)
Click here to view 24 carefully selected photos suitable for public viewing (courtesy Mustang’s Camera and mine)
Again, thanks Ajith.. Good one!

Coastal Drive'09

This is a 'journal' of my 9 day coastal drive with Mak aka Arun Kumar. (Dominic was supposed to come along, but his boss decided to jack him at the last minute). The plan was to attend RTMC 8th Anniversary in Wynad on Oct 2 & 3 (Friday & Saturday) for which we started on 26th Sep, Saturday morning.
Mak and I started from my place in the morning and hit the ECR highway. We stopped at Midway for breakfast and then hit Pondy before noon. We went straight to the liquor store near La Terrace and stocked up a few beers, Breezers, Tequila and whisky. From there we drove through Chidambaram, Sirgali, Poompuhar and reached Tranquebar. It was a very calm place by the beach with ruins of a temple and a Danish fort. We then crossed Karaikal, Vedaranyam and reached Kodikarai (Point Calimere). We managed to get accommodation at the forest officer’s guest house.
Next morning we started off to the animal sanctuary where you can drive up to the shore. There were plenty of deer, horses, birds etc in the sanctuary. Then we reached the coast and went up a watch tower to see the edge of the coast with the sea curving backwards at the periphery. We started back and went to ‘Ramar Paadam’ and drove towards Ramanathapuram. We crossed the famous Pamban bridge and bumped into a couple of RTMC guys who had come to Rameswaram for the weekend. We drove towards Dhanushkodi till we reached a place where we could park the car and hired a Mahindra 4x4 truck with a couple of families to go to Dhanushkodi. After a fast and bumpy drive we reached. The place was very beautiful with the shallow seas on three sides. We returned and drove back to Rameswaram, visited another ‘Ramar Paadam’ and decided to head off to Tuticorin for the night.
Started from Tuticorin and went to Thiruchendur temple and then proceeded to Kanyakumari. We were driving through windmills for over an hour while approaching Kanyakumari. It was Durga pooja that day and the ferry to Vivekananda rock was halted. We visited a temple nearby, did some shopping and rode to Trivandrum.
Started from Trivandrum the next morning and drove towards Kochi through Kollam, Allepey and reached Fort Kochi where we unexpectedly bumped into Brijesh and Dodo, who were also touring Kerala. Then, we decided to take the ferry to Vypin islands. It’s a ferry where vehicles can drive into a boat and can get off across the lagoon. There are a couple of newly constructed bridges connecting Vypin and Kochi through which we entered Kochi. We checked into a nice hotel and started out to a Pub called Loungevity. There were only 4 customers including us in the place. I had caught a bad cold the previous day and had brandy-pepper-warm water.
Next morning I visited my school after more than 13 years and met my old teachers. We then went to a few tourist spots which were closed and then headed back to Marine drive in Kochi. We took a ferry around the port in the lagoon for an hour. Then, my b-school buddy Cerin joined us and we went to a pub called Couchine and saw India getting knocked out of the ICC Champions trophy. Then another friend of mine, Mahesh joined us, Cerin left for home and the 3 of us went for dinner. We were going back to our room and decided to do some pub-hopping into Loungevity as it was ladies night. There were hardly any women and we had a drink and went back to our room.
Next morning we started at leisure to Kozhikode and checked into a hotel. We then roamed around the entire city by auto-rickshaw searching to buy a ‘hookah’ (cos DJ had told us its available there and we had to find it the hard way that it is untrue). We had dinner and crashed.
The next morning we bought a lot of Banana chips from a local shop and headed towards Kalpetta, Wynad. We again met Brijesh on the highway, reached early and the gang from Chennai started pouring in slowly (including Dominic who was supposed to have started with us the previous week). We checked in and had a nice party at the place. Next morning, after breakfast, about 19 of us in 4 cars (my Wagon R, Goa Raj’s Linea, Dosai’s Bolero and Rohan’s Bolero) started for what was initially a small drive. It turned out into a full day outing and we went to Wynad wildlife sanctuary. We hired 4 jeeps and went for a 2 hour safari in the sanctuary. We came back in time for the party and had a bash. The Chennai-10 Downing Pub-gang gathered at the reception and finished the tequila that we got in Pondy.
Next day, Mak, Dominic and I started off early in the morning and headed off towards Chennai through Mysore, Bangalore, Hosur and reached Chennai well before evening.

It was a great holiday, much needed break from work, with the sea constantly on my left side from Chennai till Calicut, then into the western ghats and back to Chennai. Probably, forty years later, if this blog is still alive, I will cherish this trip, as most of the roads which I had driven through would have probably submerged. (9 days, 2500 km)

Click here for photo album

I'll be back!

1984- The Terminator (the year is same as the year of release)
1991- Terminator 2-Judgment Day (the year is 1995)
2003- Terminator 3-Rise of the Machines (the year is 2004)
2009- Terminator 4-Salvation (but the year is 2018)
(There was also one Teraminator, featuring Tera Patrick.. the movie was a major hit during my engineering days)

Now, here is the plot for Terminator 5-Total Damage

In T4, John Connor has rescued a teen aged kid-Kyle Reese, knowing that in the near future that he will be sending Kyle back to the past (1984) to protect his mom. John also knows that Kyle will end up sleeping with her and become his father.

In T5, we go back a bit into the past, after T2 (2001). John is now an irresponsible young man and ends up getting some girl he meets in the bar pregnant. Somehow they get separated in a crowded railway station. He keeps searching for her and keeps wandering, till 2004 where he meets Katherine Brewster and T3 starts off. Then sometime in between T3 and T4, he marries Katherine.

The year is now 2020. John sends Kyle back to the past to 'protect' his mom, when Kyle’s mom comes in search of John Connor asking him to spare Kyle’s life and not to send him on such a dangerous mission. It is at that time, when John realizes that this is the same chick that he had knocked up in 2001 and also realizes that he is actually Kyle’s father.

T5- Coming soon to a theatre near you...

I still remember my last drink, I wasnt drunk...

Yeah, I drink.. I like to have a drink. I know the difference between ‘having a drink’ and ‘getting drunk’. I have some rules on drinking and I seldom break it. If I have to drive back home after drinking outside and especially when I have to drop someone on my way back, then I never drink more than 2 pegs. If the session is gonna be long, then I take my 2 pegs as 4 smalls, or 2 smalls and a beer.
I indeed am a responsible drinker, ain’t I?
Now, when I don’t have to drive back home, that’s when I truly unwind. I remember and cherish such parties (or rather I dont remember). So, that’s what I am and that’s how I have been.
Two days back, I had a nice overnight session at my place with a couple of dear friends and we finished a nice one liter bottle of J&B whisky. It was on this day that my mom had mentioned that she was a bit concerned with my drinking habit lately. And a special someone was concerned and another dear friend subtly mentioned that I have been drinking on all weekends lately.
I got a call this evening for a very small get together to which I normally would have gone without thinking twice. But suddenly today, something was wrong. It didn’t feel right. For the first time I started to feel weird, probably thinking what they would think when I say am drinking today. Am I growing up? Am I getting ready for greater responsibilities? I didn’t go.. I stayed back at home..
But little does anyone know that I will use this instance of not going today to my advantage coming Saturday. Heh heh heh.. (evil laughter)

Ping!

When we meet some new person (of the opposite sex, of course) why do we text-sms or chat online (or both, heh heh) a lot, while breaking the ice? Why dont we just call and talk and meet? Well, has this just happened to me, or is it a common phenomenon? Has is not happened that while in the middle of the thrilling conversation, we type something in response and then decide not to send it and hit backspace and rephrase? And have we not seen - "x is typing a message" and you eagerly wait what the reply is gonna be?
That’s the beauty of sms and chatting! It allows you to be on your best behavior and not act on impulse which would otherwise almost immediately expose your true self much too soon. It avoids any 'uncomfortable silence' that will definitely happen if we start speaking right away. It gives you time to prepare your replies and send it at leisure which would not be possible while talking on the phone or in person.
(It was during such conversations I realized that I was perceived as a ‘flirt’ and was asked what my sun sign was, on many occasions. When ‘Gemini’ was the reply, my behavior was somehow perceived as totally fitting and acceptable.)
The main advantage of an sms is that you can send the same sms to any number of people 'directly', unlike an e-mail where you would have to mark it as a 'bcc'. It also allows you to 'forward' the absolute same sms you received from someone, unlike an email which needs some editing and deletion of the sender's details and signature.
If anyone of you thinks that it is with you in my mind I have written this piece, please take this in a good sense and realize there are a few others thinking the exact same thing too... Smart work, ain’t it?